So begins my journey to Southeast Asia. I'm currently flying over Alaska on my way to Bangkok via Seoul, Korea. It's been almost a week since I flew to CO and I spent a few days with a good friend, Tim Ayer, before meeting my group.
My time with him was immensely pleasurable - even more than I could have anticipated. By consciously forming no expectations I opened myself up to be surprised by joy. I rather like this new method as it leaves me more able to remain present and absorb all that I encounter. And that I did. From racquetball to rock-climbing to frisbee-golf to lolling around reading, I enjoyed every moment. Tim was extremely hospitable and considerate and I was reminded of how much I value his company and his friendship.
The drive to Estes Park was breath-taking and I spent the trip plastered to the window like a child. Up we went through a windy valley which had been carved out by water thaousands of years before.
I met the group at 'YMCA of the Rockies - Estes Park',' a large campground surrounded by beautiful snow-capped mountains. It is no mystery to me why many of my relatives and ancestors chose to settle in CO. I experienced joy every morning as I walked mindfully from from the dorms to the dining hall. "I could stay here forever," I thought as I stared in awe at the sheer magnitude and power of the surrounding mountains.
The next 3 days of orientation-type activities went by fairly quickly. Only a few excrutiating meetings of health/safety-type B.S.-ureaucracy. Necessary, of course, and thankfully balanced with fun team-building activities, e.g. a 3 hour hike in Estes National Park!
I am quite impressed with the group. I must admit that I was a bit nervous about many of the members being fresh out of high school - no doubt a direct result of my traumatizing experience as a freshman RA. But these kids are much more mature and open-minded. I suppose that is to be expected of anyone willing to embark on such a trip. They are just the sort of people I love most - open, passionate, idealistic, driven, spiritual - and, therefore, extremely lovable!
Although I'm not the oldest, I've already sort of fallen into my usual big brother-type role - leading meetings, discussions, meditations and whatnot. I rather like this position - mostly because it motivates me to be sure that my behavior is always worthy of setting a good example. I guess I just need the extra incentive because otherwise I tend to be tardy, self-absorbed and slack off. It reminded me of my days as a squadron leader in Air Force training - the only other time in my life that I felt pushed to my full potential, and the only other time that I was this happy.
I have noticed a profound difference, however, in my ability to listen to and incorporate everyone's thoughts, needs, and ideas rather than conform to my old patterns of assuming I'm always right and know what's best for everyone. My attitude toward leadership has also changed, and (miraculously) it's no longer so much about ego for me. Instead of my old line of thought: "I'm the best leader and I like telling people what to do so I somehow deserve this role," it's become more like "I care deeply about this group and would be happy to serve them in any way possible." I believe that this is the result of spiritual progress and a much greater sense of security, which both grew out of my recovery.
And whenever I catch my old ego beginning to be inflated by peoples' compliments, willingness to follow, or a successful meeting, I immediately dedicate the merit of my actions back toward the group and to God in meditation. Then I feel almost as if that much more space has been opened up in me for love to flow freely.
24 Sep 08
After what seemed like weeks of plane flights we arrived in Bangkok just before midnight of Tuesday, 23rd. We took a cab to our guest house, marked by a huge tree and walked through a long alley filled with plants to our destination. I love how much plant-life exists everywhere here - it literally seems to be about half city half jungle.
I slept soundly and awoke quite rested and, somehow, not even a bit jet-lagged. I performed by morning ritual of making my first conscious thought a list of everything I'm grateful for. My first thought was, "Thank you, God, that I'm in Thailand..." I let the gravity of this statement resonate within the confines of my mind for a bit while I glanced around at the elegantly decorated room. Suddenly a large grin stole over my face and I let out a Homer Simpson 'Wahoo!' as I lept from my bed.
For breakfast I found a traditional noodle cart and paid 25 baht, or about 8 cents. "I like this place already," I thought as my eyes and nasal passages flowed like the Nile - apparently the chili powder is a bit spicier here than back in the states. Next came a shower, which was awkwardly housed right next to the toilet in the same room. To make things more awkward, TP does not exist in this country. Instead they have only a high-pressured hose. Well, when in Rome...
As a group, we went spent a good part of the day touring Wats (temples). They were, of course, breathtaking - filled with gold, sensuous architecture and meticulous detail. That night I got a 1-hour traditional Thai massage for about $7 US. I spent the whole time plotting out how to kidnap one of these magnificent women and bring them back with me. Their small stature is quite deceiving as their tiny hands are actually skilled and extremely powerful. I topped off the night by jamming out with some random Thai guys who ran an art shop next door. We sat outside their art shop playing a guitar, 2 drums, 2 dijereedoos (spelling...?), and singing for about an hour.
I spent day 2 wandering around Bangkok. My overall impression is that it's quite overcrowded, filled with junk, and the pungent smell of dead creatures assaults you at every corner. In typical Asian fashion, they eat every ungodly thing imaginable and walking through the market is like a scene from Star Wars on acid. I, of course, partook and ate some sort of strange catfish-eel hybrid that came cooked whole on a stick. It was delicious.
